The more that I read about Aspergers the more I can relate to it. I just went to a seminar about working in the work environment and having Aspergers. The woman who gave the lecture is an undiagnosed Aspergian. She realized that she had Aspergers when she was reading up on it to help her boyfriend who she felt had Aspergers.
The Aspergian personality characteristics that she described in her lecture were as follows: Focus/Diligence when it comes to their work so much so that they neglect their needs, extreme pride in their work, desire to please and be accepted, independent, unique thinking, high fluid intelligence (ability to infer), visual 3-dimensional thinking, high attention to detail, honesty, and logical decision making. I read down this list and I have every characteristic. I seldom take a lunch because I get too involved in my work. Even at home during the weekends I will get busy with my housework and I don't eat until late at night. I am a severe people pleaser. I have a high attention to detail. I've spent 5 years in public accounting and the general consensus is I spend too much time on the finer details, I am very honest, but I don't think I say things people don't want to hear. The other characteristic that Aspies (hope you don't mind the term) have is literal thinking of which I am very literal. My mom gets upset with me because when she tells me a joke, I don't always get it because I think too literally.
People with Aspergers (according to the lecture) have a high rate of unemployment. According to the lecture, 85 - 90% of Aspergians are unemployed either because they quit or are fired due to a social issue. Over the past 5 years, I've had 3 public accounting jobs. The first I left because I felt that a coworker was sabotaging me, the second I left because I was being bullied by a manager (another vulnerability of Aspies) and the third I was laid off because of economic reasons but one of the comments was that I paid too much attention to detail.
As a kid, I don't remember having sensory issues, but I did have a temper and I can remember my dad always getting upset with me due to my crying fits. I didn't play with dolls like other girls, but I loved my stuffed animals. I would line them up on my shelves and count them. I loved playing with boys because they were more fun and I wasn't fond of playing with dolls and hop-scotch and jump rope. I never seemed to fit in with girls.
As an older kid/adult, I am obsessive in my thoughts. My husband gets frustrated with me because I tend to obsess or get stuck on things I'm trying to work out in my head. I have OCD tendencies, but I wonder if I've learned these from my mother. I hate it when things are not in their proper places and when my house is really in disarray, I can feel the turmoil internally. Physically I have had panic attacks when my anxieties are high and I suffer from IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) which I find is helped by drinking water.
I often wonder if I do have Aspergers did I receive it genetically or is it learned behavior especially since I don't seem to have sensory issues, however, I can tolerate extreme exposure to heat. My husband hates it when I take a shower because our bathroom becomes a steam room and when we first moved into our house and were getting our fire alarms set up which has a direct link to the fire department, I set off our fire alarm because of my hot showers. As I was finishing up in the shower, I heard the sirens and by the time I got out of the bathroom, 6 firemen were running up my stairs to the bathroom to check out the status of our "fire".
So, I don't know....Aspergers or not? Did I learn certain behaviors because I believe my dad is undiagnosed as well as my brother? What will we find out about Aspergers in the next few years? Is it a disorder or a personality like Type A??? Those are the questions, and I'm interested in your comments. Please share. Thanks. :)
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3 comments:
Childhood - what a disaster!! Mind you I had red hair; glasses and braces by the time I hit high school (year 7 of education here in OZ). So, I was a bit of a geek at pre-youth. However in grade 5 and 6 I was a bit of an outlaw - into the widgee (can't spell it) board. Put it down to the fact that I was kept down a year so by the time I got to Grade 6 my best friend had moved on. High school was really hard - the hormones kicked in when I was 11, and with my geeky appearance I became the clown (and got into heaps of trouble). I used to obssess over boys!!! I like them, they were fun (not prissy) but I didn't fit in there either. Once school was over I worked for 15 years as a secretary/PA; was meticulous, loyal, always looking to please and finished up a scapegoat in the two jobs I had - the first, I was a decoy for the boss's dalencies, the second was basic monetary fraud. I have been married for nearly 18 years and still feel like a failure - I give til I have nothing left and then it still doesn't seem enough. I have a subserviant behaviour because of the need to be liked; don't really care for love that much it is too complicated and messy. I have experienced anxiety based panic attacks (but that was when my husband was going thru cancer and I needed to make my very young kids and me feel safe). I feel that I'm considered strange by most ppl, but that may be a defensive mechanism from years of trauma and the feeling of abandonment by girlfriends who adopted the geek because she wouldn't go away!!! All up my belief is we are a sum total of our upbringing, environment, but most importantly how we see ourselves, and that is reflected in other ppls attitudes toward us and our inward feeling towards oneself. It requires balance and perspective to maintain a healthy, happy existence and as long as you are honest and true to yourself, there are always going to be ppl who question your motive, or basically think you're strange. Try and get a copy of a book called "All Cats Have Aspergers" it's a beauty. If you can't get it in the US let me know and I'll send you a copy as a gift. There is Aspergers in everyone; and trust me you will do your head in if you try to over analyse it. Aspies are aspies - but there are differing shades. You as a Mum need to separate it a little so you can maintain the perspective needed. xo
Izod,
Thanks.!! ;)
Laura , izod is me - Kerry Izod had trouble signing in!!
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